Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
