I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
