just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
