i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
