why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
