come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
