dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
