That's intense
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
