Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
