it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
