no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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