you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
