the condom got lost in my hair
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
foreskin is a definite game changer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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