um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
