party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
well you can't waste a boner
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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