OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
