have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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