You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
