My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
