I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
