I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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