planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
