dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
