just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
