I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
