Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
