so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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