Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
