That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
