I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
