Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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