sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
