Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize