my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
