don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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