Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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