he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
