marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
