I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
