Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
