This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
