I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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