I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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