That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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