I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
