No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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