i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
