chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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