I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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