HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
